Friday, July 11, 2008

A very entertaining manager tirade

You've probably seen some entertaining tirades by baseball managers over the year, but Kash (sorry, spell-checker, tht IS how it's spelled) Beauchamp did something recently I've never seen before:

He used two bat weights as pretend glasses to mock the umpire.

Kash also took off his shoes to threaten the umpire, who ejected him from the game.

"It's weird -- it just comes out of nowhere, the ejections and stuff," Beauchamp told the Wichita Eagle. "When I'm gone, (my brain is) gone. All I know is somehow I ended up in my socks. I don't even know how I got into my socks. I was looking for my shoes and I had no idea where they were."

At least he wasn't looking for his pants.

You won't see everything that happened in this video, but you will get to see what appears to be the strangest show of aggression ever:

Showing the umpire your armpit. Maybe that's standard when you manage a club named the "Wingnuts."

Thursday, July 10, 2008

A vacation to forget

If you're not traveling anywhere for vacation, instead opting for the "staycation," here's some positive news. You will not experience what happened to a British vacationer named Michelle Palmer.

She is currently suffering through some severe Drinkers' Remorse after her trip to a beach in Dubai. Palmer was allegedly caught having sex on a beach with a man named "Vince" that she met while on vacation.

Here's the story. If you read down a little bit, you'll find this tremendous timeline of events:
The 30-year-old attended a "late brunch", with unlimited drinks - including beer, wine and spirits. Running for three hours until 7pm the event offered unlimited drinks for a flat fee of 250 dirhams (£34.50).

She then moved on to a nearby club where friends say that she was arguing with Vince.

It is alleged that several member of group, including Vince, were later ejected for fighting.

They then moved on to a popular pub known as Long's Bar in a hotel on the city's skyscraper-lined Sheikh Zayed Road.

Friends said that Michelle was in tears at the bar, because Vince was "being nasty" to her.

"Just after that they were caught for having sex on the beach - and the next thing we knew, they were married," one said.

The ringing is coming from back there

One bad thing about cell phones is that they always seem to ring at inopportune times. In the movies, for example, or during an office meeting, or when you forgot to silence the phone before church.

Or even worse:

When you are attempting to hide the cell phone in a body cavity.

Excuse me, officers, I need to take this call.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Watch out for this driver

If you're planning a vacation in the U.K., beware:

Teresa Clarke is now licensed to drive there.

It only took her 27 years, 12 failed tests and 20 driving instructors.
"I've been through a lot of driving instructors because some of them kicked me out. But I was determined to pass and kept going."

Good for you! (As long as you stay overseas).

Here is some potential footage of her trip to the market:

This food crisis is delicious

Let's face it. Even if you're part of a summit on the global food crisis, you've still got to eat. So what's the big deal that the world leaders had a six-course lunch, followed by an eight-course dinner?

Do you expect them to starve?

Here's a nice moment in the story:

The Prime Minister was served 24 different dishes during his first day at the summit – just hours after urging the world to reduce the "unnecessary demand" for food and calling on British families to cut back on their wasteful use of food.

And this:

The dinner consisted of 18 dishes in eight courses including caviar, smoked salmon, Kyoto beef and a "G8 fantasy dessert."

For some, just getting to eat lunch and dinner in the same day is a fantasy. Maybe in the coming months we'll have a global summit on energy and the leaders can show up in motor homes towing Hummers.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Kids in the Hall: sarcasm

Here's an old favorite from The Kids in the Hall. I remember how much I watched of these guys when I was in college and shortly thereafter:

Urban Wave Dodging brings back memories

Urban Wave Dodging.

The only new part of this is that the kids want to get wet.

I remember having to dodge waves when I walked home from high school and the older kids driving home would try to nail us poor pedestrians.

Fortunately, it was in Arizona, so we didn't have a lot of storms. But we also had horribly slow water drainage in my neighborhood.

My son has me on the clock

I'm on the clock again today.

I'm used to that as a writer for The Dallas Morning News, but in this case, I'm not on a writing deadline. This deadline was created by 5-year-old son, Ryan.

Ryan has become fascinated with the timer on our oven at home. He wants to have a timer counting down everything, including my workday. So he likes to ask me how many hours until I will come home, and then he sets the timer.

On weekends, he also sets the timer for the time until lunch or dinner. He also sets the timer when I go out and mow the lawn and then lets me know if I get done in time.

This morning as I was getting ready for work, Ryan asked me how soon I was leaving. I said in about 10 minutes, and he said, "OK, I'm going to set the timer."

Then I told him I wasn't sure if it would take exactly 10 minutes, and he asked, "Why not?"

If only I could schedule my life this efficiently. I wonder if my editor would ever accept the excuse, "I can't do that story today because the timer is about to go off."

Monday, July 7, 2008

The Running of the Bulls and Crazy People

It's once again time for the Running of the Bulls and Crazy People.

The thrills, the excitement, the collapsed lung, ruptured spleen and broken ribs!

That's the early report from Pamplona, Spain, where the bulls annually attempt to gore people who typically wear the "traditional all-white garb with a red sash around the waist and red kerchief around the neck."

Some actually aren't wearing the red sash or kerchief ... that's just blood soaking their clothing after getting gored.

Just crazy. The closest thing we have to it in America is when people trample each other after hearing that Target has received a shipment of Wii Fit.

Another "The French are rude" report

According to a recent international survey, the French are now considered the most obnoxious tourists from European nations, and behind only Indians and the last-place Chinese as the worst among all countries worldwide.

I guess that just adds to the stereotype of the French being rude. I've never been to France, and I don't know enough French people to know how much truth there is to the stereotype.

But this doesn't surprise me:

Americans "demand the same exceptional service they are used to at home, which is why they rank as the loudest, most inclined to complain, and among the least polite."

Especially if they're part of The Amazing Race. I like that show, but as Americans are running across a city, screaming at cab drivers and throwing fits when things don't work out, the "Ugly American" gets cemented in people's minds.

The Chess Boxing world champion is ...

A Russian man has been crowned world champion in the novelty sport of chess boxing.

Novelty sport?

That seems a little rude. I'm sure that this sport is more than a novelty to the guys alternating between throwing punches and moving pawns. Just listen to what the loser of the match had to say:

"I took a lot of body-blows in the fourth round and that affected my concentration. That's why I made a big mistake in the fifth round: I did not see him coming for my king."

Yep, I would see how getting pounded in the ring could affect your concentration. It's probably just as difficult in Trivia Wrestling or Sumo Stratego, sports that are probably on the drawing board.