Showing posts from June 15, 2008

Out of Office Auto-Reply, blog version

Thanks for visiting. I will be out of the office, and probably not blogging, until further notice.

That notice will probably come in two weeks when I return to work, unless I somehow become independently wealthy during the time I'm spending with my three kids. If I do become independently wealthy, I promise to write at least one more column so I can describe my good fortune in an extremely obnoxious way.

Yes, it's vacation time, meaning a chance to work on a novel, spend time with the kids and undertake household-repair jobs that are doomed to fail. I'll respond to all e-mailers when I return, unless you're a prince from Nigeria who wants my bank account info.

Humor Me: Your Father's Day future


Another Father's Day is over, and I'm glad every dad got the perfect gift.

What? Your gift was a little off the mark?

Well, maybe you didn't like the turbo nose-hair trimmer with bonus ear-hair attachment, but it probably was the perfect gift. I'm just going with the odds here, because last week the number of available "perfect for dad" gifts in this country was greater than the number of dads.

Whatever the gift, I hope every dad enjoyed Father's Day. And for all the men who are not yet fathers, let me help prepare you for what is to come. Based on the age of your oldest child, here is a look at your Father's Day future.

Age 1: Your child looks at you and says, "Dada." It's the best gift ever, although after you leave the room, your 1-year-old says "Dada" to the dog and attempts to eat a Lego.

Age 2: You're treated to a Sunday brunch, where you load up your plate with pancakes, eggs, bacon and sausage, and then…