In recent weeks, we’ve had lots of heat advisories across the country. Some of the advisories were even upgraded to full-blown excessive heat warnings, which the National Weather Service issues immediately when heat indexes reach critical levels or Newt Gingrich is seen wearing shorts. (Or, if you prefer, Hillary Clinton wearing shorts. It’s hot enough outside that I don’t want to heat up either side of the political spectrum.) Fortunately, this year’s heat has been nothing compared to last year, when Dallas had its most blistering summer ever. But still, it’s August, so it’s hot just about everywhere in the country. The heat index, which combines the temperature and the relative humidity, tells us just how hot it really is. But what about a more personalized heat index? There are other factors to consider. Wind speed, for example, and a type of clothing’s ability to transfer heat. Put it all together and you can create a mathematical equation that will force my brain to issue ...

The highlight of the opening ceremony of the Olympics was when the queen of England appeared to parachute into the stadium with James Bond. That seems to be the popular opinion, anyway, but here’s what I thought was the shiniest moment: When Elizabeth II, the famously dignified, 86-year-old queen, was moved by the spirit of the Games and broke into a big smile that warmed the hearts of everyone. Oh wait, that was actually some other octogenarian? Betty White, perhaps? Was it another distinguished-looking woman who was willing to show that she was enjoying a ceremony watched by a billion people around the world? It’s not like the queen doesn’t smile   ever . Just not a lot, I guess. She’s stoic. She’s classy. She’s royalty. Yeah, I get all that. But when you’re watching a show that is a tribute to your country’s history and includes thousands of local volunteers, including lighthearted scenes with children in pajamas, you can’t crack the stone face for even a few moments? ...

Actually, before I get into any trouble, I should point out that this column is not an official part of the Olympics in London. The privilege of being officially connected to the worldwide sports spectacle is reserved for those who make a truly valuable contribution to the Olympic movement. Such as Nature Valley Cereal Bars. In a news release from London’s Olympic committee, I learned that “Nature Valley has become the official cereal snack bar supplier to London 2012 in a tier three sponsorship deal.” Tier three isn’t as big time as tier one or two, but I’m sure the bronze-medal sponsor position still cost Nature Valley a lot of granola. Tier three is still good enough to be an official sponsor, joining the ranks of companies such as Samsung, UPS, Visa and, of course, McDonald’s. Mickey D’s is the longstanding king of Olympic sponsorship, with a partnership that dates back 40 years. This year it has four restaurants in London’s Olympic Park, including one that can sea...

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Just about everyone has a few head-scratchers in their music collections. You’re looking through your compact discs, finding more than a few that you haven’t listened to in years, and then come across something like this: “Tubthumper” by Chumbawamba. Wait a second. I own that? I bought that? A lot of people did. It sold three million copies in the United States back in the ’90s, driven by the hit single “Tubthumping.” That’s the song that concussed everyone with the chorus of “I get knocked down/But I get up again/You’re never going to keep me down.” Maybe you have similar outcasts in your music collection. Perhaps something by Color Me Badd, the Spice Girls, a boy band or any album by the Spin Doctors not titled “Pocket Full of Kryptonite.” Or maybe “The Best of Shaquille O’Neal,” an album that obviously could never be confused with the worst of Shaquille O’Neal. He’s that talented musically. Or hey, what about “Music for the People” by Marky Mark and the Funky Bu...

It’s often said that America is more divided than ever. That’s definitely a stretch, considering “ever” includes a time when more than 600,000 people died in the Civil War. But America is pretty divided. So on the Fourth of July, when the country celebrates the anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, it’s nice that we can all come together for one day. At least physically. On Independence Day, Americans across the country will head to parks, throw down blankets and celebrate things truly American such as freedom, determination and the right to pay four bucks for one of those glow-in-the-dark tube things that you can wear as a headband. Add in some fireworks and, at least for a little while, Americans are unified. This year, an especially dazzling display might even help us get over the national tragedy of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes breaking up. (Wasn't that stunning? Tom Cruise seems like such an easygoing guy, you know, if you don’t consider hi...

When my wife had knee surgery last week, I knew it would be tough on our three sons. Mom was going to the hospital, she would be under anesthesia, and the next time the boys saw her she would have bandages on her knee and be a little out of it. Pretty scary, even before the boys – ages 9, 7 and 4 – faced the reality that dad would be cooking for the next few days. Child Protective Services probably should’ve been notified. I expected that it would be frightening for Ryan, Cooper and Nathan. What I did not expect, and in no way could’ve prepared for, was my 4-year-old fainting in the recovery room because he thought his mom had been turned into a robot. I must be exaggerating, right? I’m not. Not at all. Poor little Nathan, still Mommy’s little clinger, thought that his No. 1 person in the world was no longer a person. And so he dropped like a sack of potatoes next to her bed. I know it begs explanation, but first I’ll roll back that morning an hour or so. I was out in t...

Last week I got an e-mail touting Father’s Day deals. I got a few of them actually, including one that mentioned that the perfect gift for any dad would be the Ultimate Turbo Nose Hair Trimmer. The e-mail that really stood out, however, was from Groupon. Here’s a subject line that’s impossible to ignore: Father’s Day deals for the man who felt you kick inside him for nine months. Huh? I couldn’t imagine what might be available to a man who felt someone kick inside him for nine months. So I opened the e-mail, and when I scrolled down, the gender bender continued. “Happy Father’s Day,” it said. And then this: Deals to celebrate the man who carried you around for nine months. Yeah, I’d say there’s reason to celebrate a man who felt kicks inside him without eating spicy food. That’s quite a dad. As for myself, I had to go the old-fashioned route of putting my hand on my wife’s belly to feel my sons’ kicks. It wasn’t until after they were born, and got a little o...

A list of the most divisive topics in this country could include abortion, capital punishment, gun control and global warming. Actress Zooey Deschanel might fit in there, too. Deschanel has been in a lot of movies over the last decade, and now she stars in the Fox sitcom New Girl. She’s also the star of a Facebook page titled “I hate Zooey Deschanel.” So what’s to hate? Oh, I don’t know. Deschanel is obviously talented, and I think her New Girl show is pretty funny. But when you’re a 32-year-old who dresses like a 5-year-old, when you have a name that’s cutesy enough for a Cabbage Patch doll, and when you seem determined to achieve impossible quirkiness, you’re going to be a target. Of course, none of that really matters for this column. I just needed to provide some background for those who might not know Zooey Deschanel, who is now appearing in an iPhone commercial. The commercial starts with a close-up of Deschanel standing in her hipster apartment, which inclu...

On Thursday, the finals of the Scripps National Spelling Bee will be aired on ESPN, the humble little network that bills itself as the “worldwide leader in sports.” Can you imagine how those kids will feel as they stand on the stage, staring into the cameras of the worldwide leader in self-importance? Lots of pressure. Each kid must feel like he or she is swimming in a huge ocean and is just a little humuhumunukunukuapuaa. No, I didn’t just fall asleep on the keyboard. That’s an actual word that could come up in the Spelling Bee. It’s the name of a small Hawaiian triggerfish. If you’d like some help pronouncing it, it starts with an “h” sound. If I had really fallen asleep while writing this column, you might’ve seen something like nergqwenjgkm, fewpkkwkdsa or goraaaaafnssanFDADFA (with left temple hitting the caps lock). But you wouldn’t see floccinaucinihilipilificate because, well, you need to know how to spell to get that one. Or just get lucky, I guess. But it’s ...