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Showing posts from May 20, 2012

Humor Me: The dog column (and how to get future columns)

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I had expected to post a column today about my dog, Maggie, who is somewhere between the ages of 14 and 16. We're not really sure, because we got her from the shelter more than 13 1/2 years ago. She was supposedly 2 or 3 years old then, which would make her 15 or 16 now. But we really have no idea, and looking back at photos of her (like the one here), I think maybe she was younger than we thought. She was full grown, but wild and crazy. I didn't post the column because The Dallas Morning News decided to run it. It will appear on Sunday, and when it appears online, I will put a link in this post. The Dallas Morning News used to run my humor columns weekly, but although I still work there full-time as a sports writer, I've only written humor columns sporadically over the last few years. I plan to write them more often now. I used to send out links to the columns with a mass e-mail, but most of the e-mail addresses people sent me are now out of date. That's also ki

Humor Me: When American Idol kicked me out

I haven't watched American Idol in several years, but I know it's still a pretty popular show. Not like back in the Simon Cowell days, but still watched by millions. Americans are suckers for shows with singing and/or dancing and/or train wrecks involving either. Anyway, back in 2006, I went out to cover an American Idol audition at Texas Stadium. I was shooting a video of some of the participants for The Dallas Morning News, and despite having proper credentials, I got run out of there. I wrote a column about it back then, and now that another season of American Idol is finishing up, I thought I would post it. Humor Me: When American Idol kicked me out If I auditioned for an American Idol judge, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear “get out of here.” I might even be relieved, considering my last public singing performance was so long ago. It’s been nearly 30 years, in fact, since my first-grade class performed a German song that included words such as “uber” and “

Humor Me: 90s music in commercials

By MATT WIXON It’s amazing how music can bring back memories. A familiar song comes on the radio and what happens? Suddenly your mind is flooded with thoughts of another place and time, thoughts of old friends, maybe even thoughts of a lightweight mop that can also sweep and dust. That’s what I think of when I hear Devo’s “Whip it.” The song was recently part of a commercial blitz for the Swiffer, which is truly the most exciting household cleaning product ever to include the phrase, “When a problem comes along, you must Swiff it.” Sure, the original song was about something very different than housework, and the music video featured whips, mature content and –- unless I missed it -– no Swiffering. But I’m sure turning “Whip it” into “Swiff it” was irresistibly easy. Kind of like another ’80s song, “I Melt with you,” ending up in a commercial for Burger King. So what if the song has lines about living without hate and saving the human race? Melt with you, melting cheese on a ha