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Showing posts from December 14, 2008

Humor Me: Here come the carolers

By MATT WIXON Before we start caroling, I want to thank everyone for coming out on this chilly night. It’s great to know that, even in the holiday rush, we can take time to share the spirit of the season with neighbors who are civilized enough to appreciate our music. If you don’t know me, I’m Mrs. Mapleberry, and I’ll be leading the group again this year. That’s why I’m wearing this green sweater, and that's why I asked all of you to wear red sweaters. Some of you didn’t, but that’s fine because you can still spread holiday cheer while standing behind someone who is wearing the correct color. I know everybody is cold, but I have a few announcements before we get started. First of all, although I’m a music teacher at the local elementary school, please don’t be intimidated by my musical ability. It’s a combination of natural talent -- Praise God! -- and years of diligent training. My angelic voice might remind you of Celine Dion, or perhaps Whitney Houston before her terrible trage

Santa isn't so nice

My kids watched Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer a few days ago. It always brings back memories because I watched this every year as a kid. There's the Abominable Snowman's crazy eyes, Rudolph's nasally "She thinks I'm cute" and Hermie the elf's swoosh of blond hair, which makes him look like an early-'80s skater/surfer. There's also that painfully bad/long "There's Always Tomorrow" song. I think that's generally when my brother and I would fight for a few minutes before the show would regain our attention. But the thing that stands out to me most is this: Santa does not come off well. Actually, he appears to be a jerk. He gives Mrs. Claus a hard time, he seems generally rude and he actually condones discrimination based on having a red nose. When he first sees Rudolph, he's aghast. "You should be ashamed of yourself," he tells Rudolph's father, Donner. Way to go, big guy. Scar Rudolph for life. But then, on one f