Thursday, November 20, 2008

Texas Stadium auction ... pee like a Cowboy!

Are you a Dallas Cowboys fan?

Well, then you're in luck. Right now, you can find hundreds of items from the historic Texas Stadium up for bid at Bidspotter. Might any of these interest you?

*THE COMPLETE HOME LOCKER ROOM TOILET AND STALL. THRONE OF CHAMPIONS.

*TEXAS STADIUM HOME LOCKER ROOM URINAL.

*SIGN THAT SAYS "NO COOKING WITHIN 20 FEET OF CORRAL TENT."

*THREE SHOWER HEAD SECTION FROM THE HOME LOCKER ROOM SHOWERS. MEASURES 18.5"X11'.

*FIELD GOAL POSTS USED IN STADIUM.


I think I'm going to bid on a goalpost. But I have to check first with my homeowners association to see if I can put it in my backyard.

Flight attendant lands plane

Welcome aboard!

This is your captain speaking. I think I'm the captain, anyway. I'm have some trouble focusing right now, but please don't panic. ...
An Air Canada co-pilot having a mental breakdown had to be forcibly removed from the cockpit, restrained and sedated, and a stewardess with flying experience helped the pilot safely make an emergency landing, an Irish investigation concluded Wednesday.
Having a pilot forcibly removed from the cockpit? Wow, that's even more frightening than seeing passed-put pilots dragged down the aisles during a flight. Even if one of the pilots is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

The flight attend landed the plane. Surely, you can't be serious.

End of the Yugo, the car that was barely a car

Remember the Yugo? From the 1987 commercial:

"I bought my Yugo because now I can afford a brand new car."

But could he afford the repairs? Soon after the Yugo hit American markets in 1986 for the price of $3,990, it started getting a bad reputation. From this story:
U.S. owners complained of frequent engine failures and transmission problems — with the manual gear sticks sometimes detaching and ending up in their drivers’ hands.
Wow. Switching gears and the gear shift pulls off into your hand. What a "pride of ownership" moment that would be.

Anyway, the last Yugo just rolled out of the factory. Yes, it was still in production all these years after it stopped selling in America. Apparently, it was much loved by others.

Maybe it's because those people have a very different view of the joy of driving. This is how one person described driving a Yugo:
“This is driving in its most natural form. You feel every bump, squeak and jolt, and one can enjoy the sweet smell of gasoline and exhaust fumes. No car can replace it.”
The sweet smell of gasoline and exhaust fumes. Maybe that scent is available in a Glade Plugin.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The first Thanksgiving had no cupcakes

Much is disputed about how the first Thanksgiving went down. Did the Pilgrims and Indians feast together? Did the Pilgrims provide food for the Indians? What was actually eaten?

Well, definitely not sliced turkey, cheese cubes, popcorn and juice. But that's what my son's kindergarten class was having today as part of their Thanksgiving feast. Maybe some cupcakes, too.

I know Ryan was really looking forward to dressing up in his costume (not sure if he is a Pilgrim or an Indian). But it would be interesting to see what he learns from his teachers about the history of Thanksgiving. If you want to learn about other not-so-truthful history lessons taught in classrooms, check out this book: Lies My Teacher Told Me.

Maybe it's better that we don't the food lineup of the original Thanksgiving. I don't think venison, wild fowl, nasaump—dried corn pounded and boiled into a thick porridge and mashed pumpkin would go over well with the kindergartners.

Acing your annual job evaluation

You walk into the boss's office and feel the first beads of sweat
on your forehead. You heart begins to race, your mouth gets dry, and you feel like an 8-year-old facing interrogation over a broken lamp.

It's the annual employee evaluation, a time for paranoia, sweaty palms and painful silences that stretch out longer than the director's cut of Apocalypse Now. But relax. These answers to common evaluation questions will help you get through it.

Q. Where do you see yourself in five years?

A. Taking on bigger challenges, expanding my role with the company and helping the company strengthen its position for the future.

(Strategically vague, it's the perfect answer to an evaluation question because it says nothing.)

Q. How do you feel you benefit the company?

A. I'm a team-oriented person who works hard and wants the company to improve.

(Important note: Never say you are willing to do "whatever it takes" to help the company improve. "Whatever it takes" would include working weekends.)

Q. In what ways do you think the company can improve?

A. By dedicating itself to improvement, nourishing an environment that allows for improvement and taking bold steps toward improvement.

(Exquisitely nonsensical. You might sound like a politician, but at
least you're playing it safe.)


If you're still worried about your evaluation, remember this: the boss isn't listening very closely, anyway. He or she is probably busy scheduling a meeting on how to have effective meetings.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Pregnant Man is big news?

Did you watch Larry King's interview with the "pregnant man" last night. Or did you see when Barbara Walters interviewed him?

I didn't watch either because I think it's the dumbest story in the world. But I did see this great exchange from the transcript of the Larry King interview:
Larry King: Are you surprised at all of this attention, or did you expect it?

Pregnant man: Honestly, we are quite surprised. We naively thought that we were going to be able to get away with me giving birth without anyone knowing.
Honestly, you are a liar. You've got a book out right now. Of course you knew you would get the attention. You crave it.

I still don't get, however, why we give this "guy" so much attention. He's not a guy. Which is why it's completely unamazing when the headlines say, "Pregnant man expecting a second child."
Beatie was born a woman but underwent hormone therapy before he was legally declared a man. He had a mastectomy but kept his female reproductive organs when he underwent a sex change in the late 1990s.
So he's still has the woman parts, and yet somehow he is having a baby. It's amazing!

What's amazing is how so many TV networks find this story fascinating.