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Showing posts from June 8, 2008

Friday the 13th: Don't go in there!

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Welcome to Friday the 13th. This is a good time to talk about the most horrifying movies of all time. My pick:

Jaws: The Revenge.

Not really scary, but horrifying to watch. It was 1987, I was 15 years old, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I'm guessing Michael Caine has sought a medical procedure to remove this movie experience from his brain. More than any other, that movie needed a guy in a hockey mask to save it. Or a guy in a hockey mask who could take a chainsaw to the film reel.

As for other scary movies, I remember how much the first Nightmare on Elm Street scared me. The whole idea of not being able to go to sleep because that's when Freddy could get you made up for some of the other cheese factor in the movie.

No tomatoes, but plenty of 'vegitables'

I never thought I would really crave a tomato, but the Salmonella scare has done it. I'd really like to have a couple slices of tomato on my sandwich at lunch.

Unfortunately, tomatoes are still on the hit list for now. But even if you can't find tomatoes, you can always get plenty of vegitables.

The office meltdown was staged

The office meltdown video I wrote about last week was indeed staged.

It was just an attempt -- a successful one -- to get attention.

Well, I did mention in the first blog that I didn't know if it was staged. Having the camera phone also take video of it made it seem a little more credible, but it was just TOO ridiculous.

Then again, I've worked with some people who I think might do this for real.

Arrested for flipping the bird

I don't remember a lot of my high school graduation ceremony. It just wasn't that memorable.

But if a fellow student had flipped off the crowd and yelled some obscenities, I think that's something I would never forget.

The student who did that recently certainly won't forget it. He ended up getting taken away in handcuffs after the ceremony.

The parents hope this doesn't hurt their child's chance to go in the Navy. Probably not a lot of mug shots include the accused in a graduation gown.

Too bad. The principal said he wanted a dignified ceremony. But isn't that pretty rare for a high school graduation? High school is pretty undignified.

Signature accepted at the checkout

When I go through the self-checkout at grocery stores, I always find it funny that a signature is required when I use a credit card. You have to write on the plastic screen that is usually all scratched up, the electronic pen doesn't work that well, and the result is a signature that is nothing like my real signature. (Many non-grocery stores have these electronic signatures, as well.)

But it always says, "Signature Accepted." As if there's actually a computer scouring a database to check my signature. I've just started signing with a large "M," and sometimes with an "X."

Always the same: signature accepted.

You can spend a hundred bucks, and this is the security feature. Then I'll go to another store and they want to see picture ID when I use a credit card to pay two bucks for a pack of pens.

Choking on the wedding proposal

I've always thought that hiding an engagement ring in food is kind of strange. But more than that, it can be dangerous:

A Chinese woman passed out after accidentally swallowing an engagement ring her boyfriend had hidden in a cake.

The man said he was inspired by romantic movies in which leading men hid rings in cakes and gave them to their girlfriends.

Thankfully, the woman is fine now. She's agreed to marry the man, and they will have premarital counseling that includes instruction in the Heimlich Maneuver.

You know, just in case Mr. Romantic wants to give her a necklace in spaghetti.

Humor Me: Swimming with the kids

By MATT WIXON

In March, my 5-year-old son, Ryan, and nearly-3-year-old son, Cooper, began asking if it was warm enough to go swimming. On Memorial Day weekend, I took them to the pool for the first swim of the summer.

It started with getting the towels, boogie board, pool noodle float thing, hats, goggles, two cups of water and Spider-Man dive toy. Then we waved goodbye to my wife, who was staying home with our 4-month-old son, and began the two-block trip to the neighborhood pool.

Here’s a diary of the swimming debut. Times are estimated, of course, but the names haven’t been changed to protect the innocent. My sons are very sweet, but not always that innocent.

Five minutes into trip: Cooper steers his big wheel off the sidewalk and into a front lawn. I position the big wheel back on the sidewalk, but he says his legs are tired from all the pedaling he did to move the bike about 100 feet. I push the big wheel the rest of the way to the pool.

Fifteen minutes into trip: We arrive at the poo…