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Showing posts from March 2, 2008

'80s Flashback: One Night in Bangkok

Another Friday '80s Flashback. First, the list of the recent flashbacks:

'80s Flashback: Adams Atoms
'80s Flashback: Don't you forget about me

Now on to this week's flashback, which is sponsored by New Coke.

It's your favorite cola with a great new taste. It's better than before. You'll love it!

So what are the most memorable songs of the '80s? Sometimes it's a one-hit wonder, as in the case of "One Night in Bangkok."

It's got to be among the most-played songs from the '80s. And it's a song you can recognize instantly:

Get Thai'd! You're talking to a tourist
Whose every move's among the purest
I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine


Here's the video:

Paragliding chihuahua survives crash

The headline really says it all.

This is the kind of thing that can happen when you describe taking a chihuahua for a paragliding trip as "a routine flight."

Help, I make too much money

One of the weirdest Dear Abby letters I've seen.

DEAR ABBY: Most people complain about their jobs because they feel they don't make enough money. My problem is the opposite. I love my job, but I think I make too much money.

My job is mostly simple work that could be done by anybody -- yet I earn almost as much as my husband, who is a supervisor in a technical field. My boss always gives me excellent reviews and doesn't seem concerned.

It's nice to have the kind of job that isn't stressful. But I feel guilty that a lot of people with more difficult jobs make less than I do. Should I tell my boss to give me a pay cut, or take the money and run? -- CUT OR RUN IN WISCONSIN


DEAR CUT OR RUN: I won't reveal your exact location because many people would kill to have your job. The answer to your question is you should neither ask for a pay cut nor take the money and run. Feeling as you do, you should donate every cent you feel you are overpaid to a charity (or to a therapis…

Hope, change, leadership ... we're outta here

Tuesday was the big primary/caucus day in Texas for the candidates for President. So now, after three weeks of candidates visiting every part of the state and a steady dose of political ads on the radio, Texas will be ignored for the next few months.

If you're missing all the attention, I provide this political message to remind you of all the good times of the last three weeks. I think it pretty much summarizes what the candidates were trying to get across:

"Hope, change, experience, leadership, hope for change, the time is now, it's up to you, you can do it, it's our time, change, leadership, the war in Iraq, change in leadership, middle class, education is good, AMERICA!"

I'm Matt Wixon, and I approved this message.

No parking unless you have a spell-checker

Attention drivers:

Don't even try to park here on this day.

And not on Toosday or Mundae, either.

Snowball fight in Dallas

We got rare snowfall in the Dallas area last night, so before going to work this morning, I went out in the backyard and played in it with my sons.

There wasn't a lot of snow, but enough to attempt to slide on a little hill (with a boogie board ... it was pretty ridculous). Also, we were able to do what 5-year-old Ryan really wanted to do -- have a snowball fight.

He liked hitting me with the snowballs and liked getting hit with them just as much. He did, however, get hit in the head with one once, and he didn't like that as much.

That was my fault, of course, and it's no surprise. When I was a pitcher, I threw a lot of beanballs.

The gnome is to roam, not to be thrown

You've undoubtedly seen the Travelocity commercials with the roaming gnome. Have you seen the one with the guy who throws the gnome through a glass window at his stepdaughter?

Wait. That wasn't a commercial. It was just a guy who got out of control, and not surprisingly, alcohol was involved. He also punched some holes in the wall and cut the telephone lines in the house.

The man was jailed on $25,000 bond, charged with aggravated assault, simple assault, harassment, and I'm guessing, assault of a commercial icon.

Whiffle ball game gets physical

OK, so visiting a Chuck E. Cheese might not always be the best idea for a birthday party. At least if these people are there.

And what if one of the gifts was a whiffle ball set. You don't have to imagine the possibility of what could happen. This really did happen:

Chattanooga Police Juvenile Investigators are currently looking into an apparent fight over a whiffle ball game that seriously injured a McCallie School student.

It's an angry world.

Freakishly enhanced kids photos

I mentioned in yesterday's column that some of the photo enhancements on baby and kid photos truly are over the top.

Here's a good example. Here's another, featuring my favorite enhancement, mouth replacement.

Chuck E. Cheese moms duke it out

I was thinking of having my son's birthday at a Chuck E. Cheese this year. The fun! The games! The cardboardish pizza!

Oh yes, and the wonderful family environment:

Two Boston-area moms are being summoned to court after police say they got into a fistfight at Chuck E. Cheese Saturday when one woman's son "hogged" an arcade game from the other's 9-year-old birthday boy.

Great quote:

"Unfortunately, a birthday night out turned into a birthday melee," police Sgt. Paul Thompson said. "I don't even know if they finished their pizza."

Not finishing the pizza. Now that would be a tragedy.

Humor Me: Your baby needs an airbrush

By MATT WIXON
The Dallas Morning News

So you think your baby is the cutest in the world. I don’t blame you. You’re a proud parent, after all, and the logic centers of your brain are muddled by sleep deprivation and the fumes from the baby spit-up on your shoulder.

Well, as the parent of a 1-month-old, I should probably say my son is numero uno. But hey, with millions of babies out there, I’m realistic.

Also, to be perfectly honest, the other day I noticed that Lil’ Nathan sometimes has drool hanging on his lip. His skin tone is also a little blotchy and his eyebrows are not perfectly shaped.

It’s tough to admit it, but he’s not perfect.

In photos, however, he can be. In fact, thanks to several baby-photo enhancement services I found on the Internet, we can have Nathan’s eyes brightened, skin tanned, change the color of his hair and have the frown lines around his mouth removed.

Baby airbrushing. Truly awesome!

Or truly weird. It probably depends on whether you currently have a photo of your b…