Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Early election projections

From very unofficial polls and observations, our news team is able to make these early projections on the day of this historic election:

** At least one potential voter will see the line to vote and ditch it to save 25 percent on selected merchandise at Dillard's.

** Somewhere in America, a person will trot out a joke from 2000 that ends with the punchline, "It was a hanging chad!"

** A person will ask their employer for time off to vote and then take a long lunch.

** One potential voter will show up at a voting location without any identification or a voter registration card and then storm out when told he cannot vote. It will be the most entertaining part of the wait in line for the other voters.

** A PTA at an elementary school where voting takes place will raise more than $500 by selling baked goods beyond the election lines.

** Late in the evening, or perhaps tomorrow morning, Barack Obama or John McCain will concede victory to his opponent and then congratulate him before going home and cursing him repeatedly.

** Campaign signs will still clutter the sides of roads a week from now.

** Millions of Americans will breathe a sigh of relief that the election is over, allowing us to go back to our lives and focus on more important things, such as the continuing feud between Heidi and Lauren on MTV's "The Hills."