How to pretend you care about the election

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A funny video from The Onion ... how to pretend you care about the election.


Today Now!: How To Pretend You Give A Shit About The Election

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Drink G2 and you can say you're an athlete

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One of my new favorite products on the market is G2, from the makers of Gatorade. It's a "low-calorie electrolyte beverage designed for athletes off the field." It's one of the dumbest things out there, and yet bound to make tons of money. According to the Web site , "results indicate that athletes often do a poor job at hydrating off the field." It goes on to say: "One of the challenges with off the field hydration is calories. Many athletes prefer fewer calories in an everyday beverage." Well, maybe their everyday beverage should be water. You'll save 25 calories against every eight ounces of G2, which despite all its hype about electrolytes, is actually this: Kool-Aid for adults. (Adults who are embarrassed that their favorite Kool-Aid flavor is "Purplesaurus Rex.") I think one of the flavors for G2 should be GiveItUp-Berry, perfect for the 40-year-old who can jump three inches off the ground but spends $60 bucks for an UnderArmour...
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Southwest Airlines kicks two girls off flight

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A pair of 18-year-old girls were kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight for disruptive behavior. That's the accusation, anyway. The girls say otherwise. But this might give you an idea of what the flight attendants were dealing with. Below is one of the girl's comments about the incident ( from this story ). “I think they were just discriminating against because we were young decent-looking girls. I mean, nobody else on the plane looked like us except us,” she said. “[The flight attendants] were like older ladies. We were younger. Who knows, they could have been just jealous of us because we were younger.” She really comes off well with that statement.
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Throwing away the kids' crafts can feel like trashing memories

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A version of this column first appeared in The Dallas Morning News and on DallasNews.com . ------------------ (Note: Some kids returned to school earlier this month, but in Texas, most of them return next week. That includes my youngest son, Nathan, who will be making his kindergarten debut.) The kindergartners starting school next week, with their anxious smiles and double-knotted shoelaces, will make any size backpack seem big. They’ll spill into classrooms looking like snails hunched under colorful shells. Cooper, then in first grade, educated us about penguins But the backpacks are a must, of course. They’ll be needed to carry home the precious mementos of a kindergartner’s life that parents will want to hold on to forever. Or, uh, throw away after a few days. I feel bad saying that as my 5-year-old starts kindergarten. But Nathan has already produced a plethora of preschool keepsakes. He also has two older brothers, so our family needs occasional memorabilia ...
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