On Monday night, I discovered that there is still a Miss Universe. This probably shows how out of the loop I am concerning the all-important industry of Pageants and Prettiness, but I'll admit it.
Anyway, thanks to having a strange curiosity for the pageant and a wife who watched the whole thing, I watched the final hour or so. That was enough time to show me that a beauty-pageant contestant falling is sad, and yet very funny, and also that the Miss Universe Pageant is just plain weird.
I guess there is no more talent competition, or at least that isn't shown on television. Perhaps it's because finding talent is getting more difficult, as shown by the show "America's Got a lot of Time to Fill and Very Little Talent" that airs on NBC. Or maybe it's because the Miss Universe contenders are busy with their other interests. One of the contestants listed her interests as shopping and spending time with family. Holy cow! At least make something up that gives you more depth than anything hosted by Jerry Springer.
And then there was the interview segment, which included contestants trying to speak English. I felt really bad for them. If I were under pressure and trying to speak a second language, I would probably answer every question with something like, "Donde esta el bano cabeza?" (Where is the bathroom head?)
The winner, Miss Venezuela, was asked a question about who she thought has it tougher in life, men or women. Her answer:
"God made us to share and have differences. ... Men think that the faster way to go to a point is to go straight. Women know that the faster way to go to a point is to go to the curves."
So true. Well, maybe. I don't get it. Maybe it lost something in the translation.
Anyway, she was the winner. She is MISS UNIVERSE, a pretty presumptive title for a contest that only includes earthlings. Who knows what good-looking aliens might be out there. But at least the judges were very worthy:
Donald Trump Jr., Executive Vice President of the Trump Organization
Nadine Velazquez, from NBC’s “My Name Is Earl”
Jennifer Hawkins, Miss Universe 2004
Louis Licari, celebrity colorist
Joe Cinque, President of the American Academy of Hospitality Sciences
Nguyen Cong Khe, Editor in Chief of Thanh Nien newspaper
Taryn Rose, international shoe designer
Oh yeah, and there was fashion designer and entrepreneur Roberto Cavalli, who was the old guy on the show who thought asking a question for the interview round meant he was supposed to try to hit on the contestant in a creepy way. "When is a woman truly satisfied?" he asked slowly, in a way he probably thought was very charming but actually seemed pulled from a European ad for Cialis.
Anyway, I admit it. It was actually entertaining watching the Miss Universe train wreck. But I think it would've been better if Donny Osmond had hosted. I hear, however, that he's not allowed to host beauty pageants because his teeth are whiter than the contestants.