A shorter version of this column first appeared in The Dallas Morning News and on DallasNews.com on the Entertainment section's Whatever blog. Because there is no public archive of the humor columns, I post the columns here. --------------   When I was in the early grades of elementary school, I always pulled in lots of cards on Valentine’s Day. My card-storage containers were minimally decorated shoe boxes that lacked   ambitious additions such as puffy stickers or glitter, but each year, nobody in the class got more cards than me. Of course, nobody got less, either. Like most schools, Horizon Elementary required that we give Valentines to all our classmates to protect the kids from the Charlie Brown treatment. You remember how Charlie Brown got shut out each Valentine’s Day, right? All he got from his “Peanuts” pals was a heart that said “Forget it Kid.” When I was a 7-year-old still bubble-wrapped in innocence, that was nearly as disturbing as the mean, close-minded