Showing posts from 2010

Humor Me: Milk, fireworks and July Fourth

For years, we’ve heard the “Got Milk?” slogan. Either brilliantly or stupidly simple, it’s easy to remember. But now milk is taking it up a notch to show how it is so much more than just a healthy beverage.

This week I saw a commercial that said, “Across America, milk brings families together.”

So, so true. I think right now there is a mother calling her son, who lives a thousand miles away and is unsure whether he should come home for the Fourth of July.
Mom: Johnny, are you going to come home this weekend? Everyone’s going to be here … your brother, sister, even Uncle Louie if his parole officer will let him.

Son: I don’t know, Mom. I’ve got work I need to catch up on, one of the kids isn’t feeling too well, and …

Mom: Well, we’re going to have milk, you know.

Son: Milk? Really? You mean like the kind that I’ve seen in the refrigerator case at the grocery store three blocks from my house? Well, OK then!The subtle sarcasm might hint at my skepticism of milk’s claim. More likely to bring a …

Humor Me: Soft-serve ice cream and Wal-Mart greeters

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written a humor column. A few months, actually, but you know how it goes. You get busy, you get tired, you get to thinking about everything that needs to be done … and then you get asked by a 2-year-old to play with the trains upstairs.

With three sons, I usually have a lot to write about and little time to write. I’m also committed to finishing a novel this year -- the working title is “Novel to be Rejected by Publishers” -- and I’m still doing promotions for The Great American Staycation, which came out last year. (I’ll be interviewed next week for Fox News’ Strategy Room show. I’ll be the guy wearing a blue shirt and sweating a lot.)

All the promotion is worth it, of course, because of the financial gusher that the book has provided. In fact, a month ago I pushed forward my retirement age from 65 to 64 years, 9 months. Unfortunately, my 7-year-old then told me he would like to attend a college where “it either snows or there is a beach,” which pretty …