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Showing posts from December 21, 2008

Humor Me: Attention frantic shoppers

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By MATT WIXON

Just three days until Christmas, everyone. You know what that means?

You guessed it! We only have 12,000 more chances to hear “Last Christmas” by Wham! on the radio.

But wait a second. This is no time for Wham! bashing. It’s already Dec. 22, the annual day when, even without the aid of my psychic friends network, I can read the thoughts of my father from 1,000 miles away.

“Hmm … December 22,” he’s thinking. “Still a little early for Christmas shopping.”

He’s still got a couple days, after all. Plenty of time to operate his shopping version of football’s hurry-up offense: lots of running around, lots of trying to stop the clock and very, very few touchdowns.

I saw it up close for years. Every Dec. 23 -- sometimes Dec. 24 -- my dad and I would head to the mall in his truck to find gifts for my mom. Dad would puff on a cigar as he formulated a shopping plan.

It was the same plan every year. First, my dad would try to find a book without knowing the title or the author’s full name.…