Showing posts from December 7, 2008

A Christmas Story is still golden

The movie A Christmas Story has so many memorable lines and characters that I could write all day about them. Some friends and I were talking about the movie the other day and what parts were best.

I can't possibly rank them, but I love watching the Santa visit at the Higbee's store. I love the attitude of the elves.

It's hilarious to see how much the elves -- wearing those ridiculous hats -- enjoy sending the freaked-out kids down the big slide. Perhaps the most bitter elves ever, although I don't know many elves.

But, in my opinion, the greatest line in a movie of great lines is uttered by narrator Jean Shepherd (whose novel the movie is based on). It comes after Ralphie says the f-word and is asked by his mom where he heard that word: "Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master." Shepherd wasn't a very nice guy, I've hear…

The boys talk about Santa and Christmas

As the countdown continues toward Christmas, I got some expert opinions on the holiday, and especially Santa, from my kids:

Humor Me: Christmas decorating tips


I know this might offend some people, but I just have to say it: The Christmas display in your front yard is terrible.

Of course, by “you” I don’t mean YOU, the much-appreciated person who faithfully reads this column or accidentally clicked on it while searching for something else. I’m talking about all those other people, who obviously don’t share our impeccable taste in Christmas displays.

Please pass this column on to them. I’m writing it because I think these tips could be helpful, while also serving as continuing penance for my actions during the Christmas season of 1985.

More on that later. But first, here are some ideas for creating a display that all of your neighbors will be talking about –- hopefully not in court.

First of all, DO NOT skimp on lights. It’s easy to think you’ll have enough when you’re jamming them in your cart at Super Target, but will you really have enough? A simple guideline is that, for every square foot of yard you are decorating, you should ha…