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Showing posts from February 17, 2008

Southwest Airlines kicks two girls off flight

A pair of 18-year-old girls were kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight for disruptive behavior. That's the accusation, anyway. The girls say otherwise.

But this might give you an idea of what the flight attendants were dealing with. Below is one of the girl's comments about the incident (from this story).

“I think they were just discriminating against because we were young decent-looking girls. I mean, nobody else on the plane looked like us except us,” she said. “[The flight attendants] were like older ladies. We were younger. Who knows, they could have been just jealous of us because we were younger.”

She really comes off well with that statement.

Coconut milk and flagpoles

As I was driving my 5-year-old son, Ryan, to school this morning, he told me this:

"Dad, I've heard that you don't like coconut milk."

He said it as if word on the street is that I don't like coconut milk. As if he has sources that are revealing secrets about me. Well, I'm not sure I've ever had coconut milk, but Ryan has become interested in coconuts since he saw one at a store.

"Mom said you don't like coconut milk," he said. "I don't like it, either."

"Oh, you don't like it?" I asked him.

"No," he said. "It tastes like a flagpole."

Like a flagpole? I'm not sure how this got in Ryan's head. But I figured this would be a good follow-up question:

"How do you know? Have you ever tasted a flagpole?"

Ryan said no. So I asked him, "How do you know what a flagpole tastes like?"

"I just know," he said.

So, I asked, "what does a flagpole taste like?

"Like a flagpol…

'80s Flashback: Don't You Forget About Me

Here's the weekly '80s flashback, which was part of the former Humor Me blog at The Dallas Morning News. Today's flashback is sponsored by ...

Ice Cream Cones Cereal. Why not start the kids off the healthy way with a cereal that looks like dessert? Very '80s.

On to the flashback. Identify this somewhat obscure quote from an '80s movie:

"I consider you guys my friends. I'm not wrong, am I?"

As I said, the line is a little obscure. But the movie certainly isn't. The line was spoken by Anthony Michael Hall's Brain character in The Breakfast Club. Didn't you think, "I'm definitely seeing that!" after seeing this trailer in the theater?

Humor Me: Baby, it's a world of wonders

Moving over to this blog, I figured I would post a few of my recent humor columns. (They're still archived at www.dallasnews.com/humorme). Here is one from Feb. 4.

Humor Me: Baby, it's a world of wonders

By MATT WIXON
The Dallas Morning News

When my first son was born, it was like a magic act. I prepared for the big event, of course, and I knew it was going to happen. But when the moment came, it still felt like some kind of illusion.

Ta-dah! … It’s a baby.

Well, after last week, I’ve been through it three times. But previous experience didn’t change anything. It was still a surreal blend of excitement, joy and awe. And, once again, relief that I didn’t have to use shoelaces to tie off the umbilical cord during an emergency delivery on the Dallas North Tollway.

Fortunately, each of my sons entered the world in a hospital, with the big move directed by someone who knows more about childbirth than what can be learned in The Expectant Father. For that, I’m very thankful. Considering …

Is she wearing high heels or skates?

A model walking on the runway falls down. I've seen it several times, and I always think it's funny. I think it's just because they walk with so much attitude, and they lose all of that when they stumble.

So I always laugh when I see it. But this is one of the funniest I've seen, mainly because she works so hard to fight the fall the second time she's about to lose it.

Another machete attack

Over the last year, I've noticed a tremendous uptick in the use of machetes as weapons. Very, very interesting choice of weapon, I think. They're not just for the movies anymore.

But what are the kinds of things that can drive someone to attack someone with a machete? What can drive a person to attack a friend with a machete?

Fortunately, it's a very rare situation. Such as a case of Bud Ice.

Maybe the pilots were just resting their eyes

This is your pilot speaking. We've reached our cruising altitude, so sit back and relax. I plan to, along with my co-pilot.

By the way, does anyone have an alarm clock?

Tuning out the conversation

My 5-year-old son, Ryan, was talking to me earlier today while I was trying to get my 2-year-old son ready for a car ride, let the dog outside and take care of other things around the house. I tuned out for a while and then heard him say this:

"So I had the robot with the telescope, but the pig didn't have a tail."
He actually said it like it was a question, and then he waited for me to answer. Uh ...

It turns out it had something to do with putting together a puzzle. I said to him, Oh ... I don't know. Explain it to me again."

Fortunately, you can fake that you've been listening after you tune out a conversation with a kid. Not so easy with your wife.

Or so I've heard. I've never done that.

Humor Me: Celebs rule elections, too

By MATT WIXON
The Dallas Morning News

In nine months, another presidential election will be over, and Americans will have made their choice. That choice, judging by the debates, straw polls and number of people who believe Condoleezza Rice is a side dish at Chili’s, will be this:

To not vote.

For a lot of people, anyway, because voter turnout isn’t a highlight of the greatest country in the world. Some of us just don’t appreciate our power to elect leaders who will be our voice in government and work tirelessly to create a proclamation honoring the Tilt-A-Whirl.

But maybe this year will be different. Maybe voter turnout will improve because, well, Oprah Winfrey is involved. She’s publicly supporting Democratic hopeful Barack Obama, who is expected to spend the next two weeks battling Hillary Clinton for most photo opportunities involving Texas barbecue.

Ms. Winfrey isn’t the only celebrity involved, of course. Sen. Clinton has support from Barbra Streisand, and Republican hopeful John …